thebootydiaries:

someone: hey i genuinely care about u and i like u a lot 

my brain: ?? ? time for Joke?? make Joke??? yes??

(via thebootydiaries)

bob-belcher:

Please watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine!

(via ohhiccup-deactivated20190426)

frodoes:

allycattiny:

frodoes:

whoever murders me best not be caught bc im aiming to be featured on buzzfeed unsolved

I love how this implies that op’s murder is inevitable. There is a lot of chaotic energy here.

if you met me you would know it’s inevitable

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

urls-are-hard-to-make:

jollymarco:

when bae says something that hurts your feelings

(via urls-are-hard-to-make)

averagefairy:

why do old people have to grab your entire phone when you try to show them a picture like you do not need to feel every square inch of this device in order to see the screen just use your eyes i promise that’s exactly how seeing things works. like whenever i show someone my screen and they start to reach their hand out i’m like nvm bye bitch

(via penisvvrinkle)

dangergays:

date a girl with bad vision. date a girl who can’t get up in the morning for shit. date a girl who wastes her life on the internet. date me

(via jazeth)

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

phone: 6%

me: don’t do this

(via penisvvrinkle)

nextyearsgirl:

“I’m not vaccinating my kids because they’ll build up immunity naturally anyway”

(via fuckoffnfurter-deactivated20180)